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Thursday, November 13th, 2003
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Persimmons
Li-Young Lee
In sixth grade Mrs. Walker
slapped the back of my head
and made me stand in the corner
for not knowing the difference
between persimmon and precision.
How to choose
persimmons. This is precision.
Ripe ones are soft and brown-spotted.
Sniff the bottoms. The sweet one
will be fragrant. How to eat:
put the knife away, lay down newspaper.
Peel the skin tenderly, not to tear the meat.
Chew the skin, suck it,
and swallow. Now, eat
the meat of the fruit,
so sweet,
all of it, to the heart.
Donna undresses, her stomach is white.
In the yard, dewy and shivering
with crickets, we lie naked,
face-up, face-down.
I teach her Chinese.
Crickets: chiu chiu. Dew: I've forgotten.
Naked: I've forgotten.
Ni, wo: you and me.
I part her legs,
remember to tell her
she is beautiful as the moon.
Other words
that got me into trouble were
fight and fright, wren and yarn.
Fight was what I did when I was frightened,
fright was what I felt when I was fighting.
Wrens are small, plain birds,
yarn is what one knits with.
Wrens are soft as yarn.
My mother made birds out of yarn.
I loved to watch her tie the stuff;
a bird, a rabbit, a wee man.
Mrs. Walker brought a persimmon to class
and cut it up
so everyone could taste
a Chinese apple. Knowing
it wasn't ripe or sweet, I didn't eat
but watched the other faces.
My mother said every persimmon has a sun
inside, something golden, glowing,
warm as my face.
Once, in the cellar, I found two wrapped in newspaper,
forgotten and not yet ripe.
I took them and set both on my bedroom windowsill,
where each morning a cardinal
sang, The sun, the sun.
Finally understanding
he was going blind,
my father sat up all one night
waiting for a song, a ghost.
I gave him the persimmons,
swelled, heavy as sadness,
and sweet as love.
This year, in the muddy lighting
of my parents' cellar, I rummage, looking
for something I lost.
My father sits on the tired, wooden stairs,
black cane between his knees,
hand over hand, gripping the handle.
He's so happy that I've come home.
I ask how his eyes are, a stupid question.
All gone, he answers.
Under some blankets, I find a box.
Inside the box I find three scrolls.
I sit beside him and untie
three paintings by my father:
Hibiscus leaf and a white flower.
Two cats preening.
Two persimmons, so full they want to drop from the cloth.
He raises both hands to touch the cloth,
asks, Which is this?
This is persimmons, Father.
Oh, the feel of the wolftail on the silk,
the strength, the tense
precision in the wrist.
I painted them hundreds of time
eyes closed. These I painted blind.
Some things never leave a person:
scent of the hair of one you love,
the texture of persimmons,
in your palm, the ripe weight.
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2003
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Tonight, for the very first time in my life, I have discovered the cause of a certain feeling I've been having. Normally I feel all these different emotions and can never place where the hell they're coming from... but tonight, I captured one. And that, in itself, is a great feeling. To know the cause of certain thoughts or emotions, simply so they can be controlled a bit. I'm quite thrilled with it.
Anyways, lately I've been wanting a significant other so bad. I mean, really really bad. And, for those of you who know me out there, that is most definitely not me. I've never wished for a boyfriend. If circumstances occurred in which I began dating somebody, that was pretty cool. I usually enjoyed it. But it never dominated my thoughts. I was perfectly content not needing anyone, and was even proud of my single status. I truly enjoyed it for the most part.
But it's been a constant wish lately, and it's beginning to piss me off. I hate wanting somebody. I want to be happy alone. I've always been alone... or so I thought. I realized tonight that I've never been alone in this sense. My family--however bad our relationship may have gotten, or how many times I wanted to leave them in my dust--they've always been there for me. I've always been surrounded by their love, however restricting it may have been at times. And now I'm not in that environment anymore... and I want someone to love me here. I want it so bad. I want someone to think I'm special here. And while I find it disgusting that my desire for a boyfriend stems from the fact that I'm not around my family anymore, I truly think that's what the cause of these emotions are. It's my desire for love. Crazy, isn't it? I almost laughed when I thought of it. I don't know if I want to analyze my thoughts anymore. They kinda scare me. heh.
. . . . .
Yeah, so, Discovery Day is coming up on Friday. I'll be hosting a prospective that night. Good times. I suppose I should buy some junk food or something, so we have some kind of somethin'-somethin' to snack on while she's here. Hopefully she'll want to go to the Paul Coleman Trio concert Friday night... cuz I really wanna go, and I'm gettin' a free ticket since I'm hosting. So dammit, she's going, and she's gonna like it too. And that's that.
. . . . .
Well, I have successfully put off writing my piano pedagogy paper for about 20 minutes, so I guess it's time to get started on it. Sleep is obviously an unnecessary luxury. I certainly don't have any use for it here.
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
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Have you ever wanted to say something really profound... but the words just weren't there? Have you ever felt a huge range of emotions just surging inside of you, and you wanted to express them all because you'd love to have someone else know exactly what you're thinking at this very moment, but... those thoughts just won't form themselves into words? Yeah, that's me right now. But I was browsing an old website I used to have, and I dug up a short bio that I wrote when I was 19. Brought back a flood of memories...
"As far as hobbies go, I love astronomy and playing the piano. If I ever have any spare time (which is never) you'll usually see me engaged in one of those two activities. I'll either be standing outside in my driveway peering into my prized 8" Orion Newtonian telescope, or tickling the ivories. Or... if I'm not in the mood for either, I'll be working on my website, as I am now.
I'm an odd/interesting/weird/unusual individual. I've hit a weird point in my life. I don't know what I want, and when I try to figure it out, I only piss myself off wondering why I'm not striving for something else... so I try not to think about it. Whatever I become is what I should be. For right now, I'm just a struggling full-time student & full-time employee who is a dork and lives at home and occassionally makes an ass of herself and buys herself roses on Valentine's Day and loves and hates and smiles and cries and, every so often, is truly happy."
Scratch out "full-time employee who...lives at home" and yeah, that's still me. But then the site led me to a link to my old livejournal... and wow, I was so confused and lost just one short year ago. Not even a year ago. Half a year ago. And maybe I'm still confused and lost, and being here at college just masks it. I don' t know. My ideas about my future are still basically the same: graduate college with the highest GPA I can muster and go on to make as much money as humanly possible in a computer-technology-based field. How is that not lost? And why do I feel perfectly content by setting that as a goal? I mean, how can that be a meaningful goal to me? I must either be really shallow, or I'm hiding something from myself. The things I used to feel are gone. The unhappiness I used to feel when thinking of it is entirely gone. I guess it's a good thing, but I just want to make sure I'm not simply ignoring it now that I'm having fun....
"...The darkness was absolutely suffocating. I've never experienced anything like it before.
So I'm leaving. I was informed by phone today that I must. For the good of me and the rest of my family, I'm being shipped off to college to find whatever I need to find for myself.
I can never picture my future. I never could even imagine myself having a future. I thought for sure something would happen to me by the time I was eighteen or twenty. Well, I'm going to be twenty-one in a couple months and I'm still alive... breathing, anyway. So I guess I'm being forced to have a future. But I wonder what it's going to be like. I sure hope it's better than the present.
Maybe I'll have someone to run to."
March 26th, 2003
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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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I didn't study hardly at all today. That's awful. I had an entire day available to me, and how much did I study? Nada. Zilch. Zip. So now I have to do it all tomorrow (or.. later on today.. however you wanna look at it). I had a pretty fun day though, and I didn't have to step a foot outside of my building into the rain! Yay!
. . . . .
My floor decorated our hall for Halloween in the theme of pirates today. It looks pretty cool. Well, actually, it just looks like a mess right now, but it's gettin' better. We draped fabric and this really cool old-looking rope from our ceiling so it would look like sails. That's probably the coolest part of the decorations. Looks like an abandoned pirate ship. Spoooooky. Hopefully the little trick-or-treaters on Thursday will think it's spooky anyways. *shrug*
. . . . .
The Marlins won the world series tonight! Woohoo! I didn't have my usual baseball buddy (JD) watching with me tonight, but I'm just very glad that they won and got it over with. I don't know if I could've handled the suspense of the presence of a game 7. I would've been nervous as hell. So, yay for you Marlins! Beat the Yanks in their own territory. MWA HA HA. Wipe that cocky grin off of Jeter's face.
. . . . .
Well, I think I may hit the sack... seeing as I have to do all of my homework tomorrow, along with two weeks worth of laundry. blah. Homework + laundry + spending time with JD cuz he comes back tomorrow (yay!) = yeah, I better not sleep till 1pm. Shucks.
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Monday, October 20th, 2003
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Just redid my desktop and AIM buddy icon in the theme of Strong Bad. Woohoo! Good times.
. . . . .
I have to play in the masterclass on Wednesday evening. I practiced my piece (Prelude X by Bach) in the Westlawn lounge yesterday after dinner and kicked butt. I did the same thing tonight... and sucked completely! I hate when that happens. So yeah, I definitely spent some extra practice time with that piece tonight. Grrr. I know I'm only performing it for a masterclass on Wed. (I won't play in a recital for at least another week) but I don't want to play it the way I did tonight. It was bad. It seems like I always reach a point after awhile where my progress on a piece moves backwards instead of forward... and this phase lasts for a frustratingly long amount of time. So I'll definitely be prayin' for the best...
. . . . .
Ack... I'm about to watch The Big Lebowski for the second time in a single week. That can't be healthy. But that isn't as bad as watching it three times in a week. *looks over at certain Miller 4 boys*
Okay, off to the lounge.
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Sunday, October 19th, 2003
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This school has changed me. Being around all these people... it's changed me. I can feel loneliness again, simply because I hardly ever feel it anymore. I'm not numb to that sting any longer. There's people around me all the time, and I actually like it. I don't get annoyed when someone wants to spend a lot of time with me. And I have a best friend. This has really changed the way I live and has affected my attitude towards life, yet I can't help but wonder if this is a weakness in and of itself. I need it now. I feel lonely quite easily now, not when I'm simply by myself (I still like having regular alone time), but when I think that someone perhaps doesn't understand me or when I see a happy couple sharing a moment that only two people who are really in love with each other can share. I feel that twinge. I'm not numb to it anymore.
I don't know how to react when I feel it now either. The only way I know how to deal with these twinges (which, now that I think about it, may be emotions other than loneliness that I'm perhaps just misinterpreting.. I dunno) is by running to a piano and playing until I've musically "vented." That alone is another weird aspect of the whole thing. I play awesome when I'm disturbed. It's crazy.
College is introducing me to myself, but I'm not the girl I used to be. I'm not the bitch. I'm not the cynical loner anymore. And I almost want to be again, because I'm feeling something new, and I can't define it. It's a weird ache, and it presents itself at the weirdest times. Is it loneliness coming back to haunt me now and again after all these years, or what? Or... what does love feel like?
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Monday, October 13th, 2003
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I'm smack dab in the middle of midterm break, and I did a very important midterm break.. thing.. today:
I went shopping
Yay me. Hooray for cute new sweaters, and a matching scarf, and logo tees, and corduroy pants, and candy cane pajama pants... and a sale to discount it all! Whee! And YAY for Mommies who take their piss-poor daughters shopping for badly needed winter clothes. Mwah!
- - - - -
Seeing as it’s midterm break, that means the semester’s half over. Status of classes? A’s as far as the eye can see. Woohoo! *does a little dance* However, the fear for my grades that I was experiencing when I first came to GC is wearing off, unfortunately. So hopefully that doesn’t mean that I’ll slack off and let my grades slip. We’ll have to see. *stay scared… stay scared..* My favorite class so far? Business Programming, hands down. It’s sooo fun. Visual Basic .NET is the bomb. And it’s so freaking easy to program. I mean, it could be simply because I’m comparing it to C++, but I dunno… all you have to do is drag and drop any objects you want on the form and then program what you want them to do when an event occurs. Ha! Fun fun fun.
- - - - -
Other than classes, nothing really else has been happening on campus. Making friends… and the occasional enemy. Good times. I dig college life.
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Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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I’m in college! I’m a junior in college right now. And I’m living on campus. A real campus! It’s.. it’s amazing. I love it. A lot. And classes are easy! I was so worried.... so so worried. And they’re easy. I don’t know... this is great. Whee! *spins around giddily*
Okay, so I’m updating because a certain somebody who shall remain nameless (since I won’t mention your name, Chris) just met me and is reading all this stuff about me that’s months old. Seeing as I don’t want him to get the wrong impression of me (being a psycho, depressed, moody bitch), I’m updating. Life is so different now. (Cuz I’m on a campus! *big grin*)
I love all my classes. Oh, and I have professors. Yes. Real professors. I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. And I attend lectures. Can you believe it? It’s the bomb. So yeah, now I get to update with my own college stories! I’ve been here for a month and I’m getting used to figuring out what should actually be journaled and what shouldn’t, so I should be fully prepared now to update on a regular basis. *grin* Hoorah.
Okay, well, just a rant. (Happy now, Chris?) Glad to be back. :)
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Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
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Okay, after the depressing post from yesterday, I felt obligated to post something a bit more lighthearted today to kind of balance things out a bit. And since I'm currently unemployed and simply waiting out the final eleven days I have left before heading to GC, I have plenty of time on my hands, as you can imagine.
. . . . .
I am the proud owner of a brand spanking new iMac. I'm quite smitten with it. It was actually my brother's sixteenth birthday present, but it seems that him and Macs don't get along very well, so I was given the option of purchasing it from my parents at a super duper discount price. And everyone knows that a computer geek can never turn down the opportunity of acquiring a pretty new tech toy, so it's mine. ALL MINE. It's super sleek and oh so purty... and waaaay smaller than my huge monster of a machine that I've been using for the past 3 years. So it'll go well with my waaaaay small dorm room at school.
Oh, and my brother's getting a new Gateway instead. He'll always be a PC person, I think.
. . . . .
I'm not sure what the different phases of grieving are, but so far I've gone through three. Saturday afternoon, when the news got to me of my imprisonment and subsequent banishment from the one man that seemed to actually take a liking to me for the first time in... well... forever, I reached the pit of despair. In other words, don't talk to me unless you want me to burst out in fresh tears for a good 20 min.
Sunday through Monday, I was simply pissed. No, not simply pissed, I guess… very very pissed. Like, I’d even think about the situation and my neck would get all blotchy and my face would get red. In other words, I won’t burst out in tears if you talk to me… I’ll just rip your head off.
Today, I’m shockingly numb. I’ve gone through the entire day completely blank. I mean, sure, I get those constant sharp twinges of pain when I look at a book that I knew Shawn loved to read, or see his name in my Yahoo IM list, or picture the way his eyes look when he smiles, but… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s kind of like the pain has immobilized, you know? It’s still there, and I know it’s still there, but it’s gone deeper now. *shrug* I dunno. I’m just wondering what other range of emotions I have to look forward to in this whole process…
. . . . .
Oh, and the Perseid meteor shower peaks tonight. And guess what? It’s cloudy! Surprise surprise! Chalk off another astronomical event lost to me due to clouds. Mother Nature sure is on a roll.
Hasn’t Mars been gorgeous though?
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You know you've slipped into non-existence when you have several people e-mailing you to see if you're still alive. Sorry. I happen to do that occasionally. Oh, and the things that happen while I'm non-existing! Whoo. The drama... the drama...
Okay, let's cover these last couple months quickly...
- June: was just the Piano Workshop at GC, pretty much. That went well. Dr. Hill (one of the music professors there) is absolutely frickin' awesome. He gave a concert the first night, and let me tell you... that man can play Debussy like you wouldn't believe. He played Debussy's first book of Images. Gorgeous. I had to run out and buy the sheet music right away. He's probably the only thing I'm looking forward to about attending GC. That and getting out of the house. Awesome professor.
- July: was FUN. Hung out with friends for pretty much the entire month. I met an awesome guy named Shawn. Damn... I really don't know how to describe him to you without sounding all cliche and crap. But if you can imagine a guy who's sweet, funny, cute, compassionate, thoughtful, stable, and has a smile that lights up his entire face, you'd be imagining Shawn. Yeah. We clicked.
- August... so far: Okay, if July was good, imagine the complete opposite of that and you will have what my August has been like so far. No, that doesn't even do it justice. August has been more than the opposite of good. It's been downright hell. Well, actually, to be even more specific, August was as great as July up until the 9th. NOW it's hell.
Without going into gruesome details--since that would only succeed in making me all teary-eyed and depressed--my... lovely... parents decided to restrict my access to Shawn to, well, never. And I'm pretty much being held prisoner in my house until I leave for school on the 23rd. If any of you reading this know my parents at all (Zach, you've been eyewitness once in the past), you know how fun and flippin' interesting things can get with them. Well, I really don't think they can ever top the damage they did to me this time. And yet, even though I'm 21 and wanted to be out of here a loooong time ago, I have to stick around because they're paying for a chunk of my college tuition for the next 4 semesters. ARGH. *finds a nice unforgiving wall to bang her head against*
So yeah, that's what you've missed. I hope I didn't just sound like a whiny bitch, because the situation is waaaay beyond just being the product of a blonde brat or a drama queen. Things are shitty right now. There's something really good between me and Shawn. I can't explain it, but it's good and it's been taken away from me... and I'm pissed. And hurt. And pretty much downright depressed, because all I have to look at everyday are the four walls in my part of the basement as I go over and over in my mind the things I could have done differently. It's killing me.
...Okay, so now I'm sounding whiny. I'm done.
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Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
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I am going to have my first legal drink tonight. It's been eight days since I turned 21, and this will be my first drink since then. Pathetic? Uh, yeah. I was beginning to think that the law stated that you could drink until you turned 21, then you were off limits. I'm glad to see I was wrong.
. . . . .
So I'm less than two weeks away from the piano workshop at GC... and my piano lesson last night went awful. I played Warsaw Concerto like shit. Absolute shit. WTF? What the hell's my problem? My confidence was soaring with that song, and now I'm all second guessing myself. I feel like I'm starting back at the drawing board. Argh. I don't know what's going on. I want to practice it more than just a couple times a day, but my wrist is killing me. I don't want to push it over the limit. *sigh* I just have to get better at the piano. Fast.
. . . . .
I went to the Woodwind & Brasswind for the first time last week. That place is awesome. OMG. It's absolutely huge and they have a separate room for each different kind of instrument. There was an entire room filled with keyboards, and each one was hooked up to its own amp. *drool* I thought I had died. Never before had I wished so much that I was a millionaire. All those wonderful toys. I had a blast.
. . . . .
Off to consume alcohol. Anybody have a favorite drink that I should try next time? I'm usually an amaretto stone sour or vodka & cranberry kinda person, and I'd like to try something new. A friend suggested a UV Blue Raspberry Lemonade. Ya?
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I can't sleep. I am nowhere near sleeping. So many thoughts. Many many thoughts just scurrying through my head. They won't let me sleep. Will I ever sleep tonight? Sleeping pills would be wonderful right now. I don't have any.
Music. There are songs running through my head. Seventy-Six Trombones. Over and over. I only know a part of it. Seventy-six trombones led the big parade, with a hundred and ten coronets close at hand. They were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuos as they oompah'ed, oompah'ed up and down the land. Stop. Oh god, please stop.
I have so many thoughts, yet I just stare blankly, not thinking of them. I'm letting them run wild and free... through my mind... if I have thoughts, shouldn't I be thinking of them? Of God, of death, of Rosemary's Baby... that terrible movie. Of spam. Improved sexual performance. Would you like a larger one...? Our product is an excellent way to add permanent length and girth to a males erection. Amazing amount inches growth have been recorded throughout all of our extensive testing. You cant go wrong with this wonderful life changing product. Get the confidence and size you've always wanted today. And remember, its 100% money back guaranteed. Don't they know how to write? Terrible grammar. I hate terrible grammar.
I'm going to find someone online. Someone who can't sleep. Someone who has many many thoughts running through their mind.
Because I can't sleep.
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Have you ever noticed what a huge responsibility it is to be the first in line at a traffic light? When there's a car or two in front of you, you can practically doze off. All you have to do is wait for the traffic in front of you to start moving. However, when you're the first in line, you have to watch the light carefully or you'll completely miss its changing and have people honking at you, giving you the finger and such (which is actually kind of fun to watch occasionally...). Additionally, with the crazy drivers out there nowadays, you have to carefully look back and forth before proceeding through the green light to make sure there are no drunkies about to blast through a red light. Not only would you put yourself right in the middle of an accident, but the couple people in line behind you as well.
When you're the first in line at a traffic light, you take on a huge responsibility. However, there are perks:
1. You don't have to worry about being stuck behind a slowass.
2. You get to check out all the cute guys on their motorcycles in the cross-traffic as you're waiting for green.
3. Dude, you're simply first in line. How cool is that. No worries about making it through before it turns red again.
And so, the next time you're first in line at a traffic light, be proud of your position and take on the responsibility with your head held high.
. . . . .
Oh, and I'm legal now. Hopefully drinking won't be too boring now... but it certainly won't be as fun.
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| Subject: | WTF? |
| Time: | 4:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  bitchy. | | Music: | Dave Matthews Band - The Space Between. |
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I was just informed last night by the admissions counselor at GC that I have to take my SAT's. What the fuck! Gee, thanks for letting me know only three months before school starts. I have sixty frickin' college credits that are all transferrable, my GPA is 3.94, I've been on the Dean's List every single semester, and I have to take my SAT's?? But -- get this -- if I was 25 years old, I wouldn't have to. *facepalm* That is RETARDED.
*deep breath*
Okay, so, I went to the library today and got some nice SAT guides. I thought I wouldn't have to study for the rest of the summer. Pff. No, that would've been too good to be true. I even have to call MCHS to see when they offer the SAT's next. I can take my ACT at GC and that would count too... they can schedule me whenever... but then my ACT score is good only at GC and nowhere else. There's no way that I'm going to go through all the work of taking the test for my score to only be valid at GC. *sigh* What bullshit.
. . . . .
Wow, it's been over a week since I updated last. That's bad. I was such a good little updater for a while. I just haven't been in a writing kind of mood.
. . . . .
Oh, and the sky's a blanket of clouds, and it's been that way for almost 48 hours. Another total lunar eclipse shot to hell, unless it miraculously clears up within the next five hours. Wonder when the next one is... another three and a half years?
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I'm sitting at my computer.
It's 10:30pm on a Wednesday night. I'm throwing Mistletoe's mouse to him (since he likes to pretend that he's a dog and play fetch now and then) while reading my Friends page.
My hair is short, yet I have at least five bobby pins in it right now.
I just finished sketching SpongeBob SquarePants.
I got my mom bingo daubers for Mother's Day.
My favorite television channel is AMC.
I'm reading my brother's high school World Literature book... for fun.
I got my five-year-old sister hooked on Homestar Runner.
My boss has to tell me to "shush" on a regular basis because my laugh is so loud and obnoxious.
...and I wonder why guys avoid me? *laughs uncontrollably*
. . . . .
I bought a great book from Amazon called Cascading Style Sheets: The Definitive Guide. It's very basic, but is a good brush-up guide for me. Plus, my brother wanted to learn CSS so I figured the book would be a good guide for him as well. My website is at the top of my To-Do list, so hopefully I'll be getting a lot more up there than just Coming Soon. *hates Coming Soon* I wanna get a PSP7 book, too. *sigh* Amazon.com will break me yet.
. . . . .
Damn cat just knocked my scanner off the shelf. He's so fricking rowdy tonight. Nothing is safe from him down here. Dammit.
. . . . .
I have discovered something new about me today. I get very cranky when I watch television. I haven't watched TV in ages, but since summer break started I've had some extra time on my hands. So I flipped the TV on and watched that country guy get kicked off of American Idol, then I watched the beacher babe get kicked off of The Bachelor while simultaneously watching The Twilight Zone, and then just flipped through other randomly chosen crap TV shows. Now I feel like a bitch. Weird. Couldn't be bothered while watching, and now that the TV's off, I just feel snappy. Another confirmation that TV and I don't mix.
Note to self: No matter how bored I get, don't touch the television unless turning on the PS2 at the same time.
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It felt extra good to strip off my bra tonight. Don't know why... it just felt so good. Glorious freedom. God, I'm so exhausted... I don't even know why I'm posting right now.
. . . . .
It is unbelievably difficult to find Bingo accessories in this rotten town. I was finally able to track down some bingo daubers at Meijer, but they're ugly as hell so I didn't buy 'em. I wasn't even really looking for daubers anyway. I want to buy a little bingo kit for my mom for Mother's Day. (Don't laugh. She'd love it.) All I really want is one of those little bingo bags that have the slots for the daubers and a zippered compartment for any other little things she may want to take with her. Big deal, right? I see people with them all the time. Pff... I can't find one for the life of me. Prolly have to order one on the internet, since Michigan City sucks and all.
Speaking of Michigan City sucking, remind me to tell you of an idiot named Keith Kimmel sometime. I'm far too tired to do his stupidity justice right now.
. . . . .
I sat around Wendy's outdoor fireplace for about two hours tonight. It was awesome. Fire is fascinating. I love how it dances and crackles and warms. The addition of a few wine coolers and margaritas to the mix helped, but I'm sure fire's cool even without the added influence.
Yeah, tonight was good. Got horny watching X-Men. Mmm... Hugh Jackman...
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Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
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I had a dream last night about a roller coaster. I can’t remember anything else, except the image of the roller coaster and the overpowering feeling that I had to get on that roller coaster, no matter what. Makes me think that perhaps it was actually a train… but the track looked exactly like a roller coaster track. *shrug* Interesting. I think my brain was combining the train tracks I’ve been fiddling with in Ico with the new Superman ride at Six Flags that I saw an ad for yesterday. *shakes head and grins* Crazy mind…
Okay… back to work, I guess…
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I think I almost have Ico beat. I'm in the process of activating the west idol and, once I do that, I think I meet the Queen head to head. How disappointing. I hate beating a game so quickly... especially a great game like Ico. Hopefully this last section will take me a while, because I've really been enjoying myself. I may have to just play it over again.
. . . . .
Mark your calendars: There's a total lunar eclipse occurring on the night of May 15th. I can't wait. The last one that could be seen from North America was over three years ago. I remember, because there was a blanket of clouds that night. I almost cried when I thought of how long I was going to have to wait to see another one. But here's my next chance. *glares at clouds* Stay away. It's always cloudy during any major meteor shower or other astronomical event I want to study, so I don't know why I think that this lunar eclipse will be any different... but I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed anyhow. *hopes hopes hopes*
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< random post >
I clean out my cat's litterbox before I go to bed every night. And every night.. every single night.. he'll take a crap in his litterbox immediately after I finish cleaning it. It doesn't matter if I clean it out at 10:00pm or 2:00am. Mistletoe will wait. He'll hold it as long as he has to in order to do his business in a nice, clean litterbox. Grr... them picky felines.
Oh, and he has a new hobby: jumping up on the waterheater and then onto the top of our dropped ceiling in the basement so that he can play among the rafters. Yep. Getting him down is fun.
.... But I wuv him! *grin*
</ random post >
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*breaks down and crazily dances around the basement*
I'm done! It's finished! My summer has officially started, and boy oh boy, am I frickin' ready. I finished my work 26 hours later than I had planned, but that's a sunk cost now. I'm done. *collapses*
Now I'm so completely awake. I had to consume some extreme caffeine in my last few hours of C++ homework, so with the addition of my aforementioned excitement, there's no way I'm going to be sleeping within the hour. I'm sure this post will turn out quite interesting, seeing the hyper/giddy/bodily-tired/pumped-up condition I'm in.
. . . . .
I go to walk out my front door this morning and noticed an oddly large amount of bees flying around. I stopped in my tracks (and thought of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) buhfly right away. hehe) and glanced up at where they seemed to be congregating. And wouldn't ya know... summer hasn't really even started yet and they were building a super great beehive right by our front door. What the hell. *hates bees* So, it goes without saying that I refrained from opening the door and proceeded to exit my house through the garage instead. Hopefully Daddy Dearest will take care of the little bastards soon.
It's quite disappointing to see bees so active though, whether they're building their house on my house or not, since that probably means they're flocking to Carlson's as well... which consequently means I won't be able to eat there much anymore now until the fall. Damn bees ruin such wonderful outdoor root beer places. Damn them.
. . . . .
I partied with my mom on Saturday. Ha! We went to MACU's annual meeting together and, in all honesty, I had a really good time. Mom even won a free bottle of wine. (If you knew her like I do, you would realize just how funny and ironic that truly is.) I feel guilty now for being so uncertain about it. Who'da thunk.
. . . . .
Getting kinda sleepy...
. . . . .
Now that my final semester with SLU is over, my next semester at GC seems to be right in my face... and I'm more nervous than ever. August just seems so close now, and I'm freakin' out. My head's saying, "Oh my god, your grades! What'll happen to your grades?! Transferring to a brand new school at the beginning of your junior year is rough enough, but you're going to be in classrooms! Classrooms! You haven't been in one of those since third grade, for pete's sake! And your grades are what will take the hit from a change like that."
But my heart's saying, "Dude, this is gonna be so cool. How many pianos are at this place? Isn't it like, sixty or something? Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome. Independence, man. Not only will you meet new people, but you learn hands-on at a place like this. Real professors who can answer real questions. You're gonna take a step towards normalcy for a change. Kick ass, dude."
There's no decision for me to have to make. I was pretty much told that I need it and I'm going, but my head and heart still like to fight with each other. *sigh* They need to settle the hell down. I'm going. Period.
. . . . .
K, I'm quickly approaching the deadline for getting a minimum of five hours sleep tonight...
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thoughtful.
lazy.
indescribable.
good.
chipper.
gloomy.
depressed.
weird.
content.
nerdy.
sleepy.
bored.
giddy.